Happy

It is funny how the small things in life can make us happy. One night back when I was working in OB, I sat and made a list of the random things that make me happy - it's funny the things you think to do when you work a 12 hour night shift.

I haven't slept well the last two nights because of a bad toothache, so I have had a lot of extra time on my hands to think. While most of my thinking has revolved around, "Maybe I should go get that Vicodin prescription filled," and "I wonder just how much ibuprofen I can take before I get a GI bleed," I have thought about that list I made back in OB.

I know I kept that list, but it's probably filed away somewhere - maybe next to the kids' long lost Social Security cards (lol). Anyway, for what it's worth, I'm making a new list.

Things That Make Me Happy (List #2)
(in random order and by no means a complete listing of the things that make me happy)

my family - especially when everyone is home and no agenda
my bed
Walmart - when I want to be there
a clean house
walking through the house at night in the dark
lying on the trampoline
cats
Scooby - and Sam too
a good book(especially if it's a little steamy - I probably shouldn't admit that!)
the sound of Brian pulling up the driveway
cleaning products (not using them necessarily - just buying them)
taking a hot bath
having my feet rubbed
driving
Saturday mornings
candy bars in the checkout line
planning vacations
planning projects for the house - even if we never do them
watching Emergency Vets with Joel - watching him love it
the Food Network - Paula Deen
the beach
staying in a hotel - all of us
lying in bed listening to the ocean
talking with Megan
good food
ministering to my patients at work
nightlights
watching Levi become more like his dad
a good pair of flipflops
new pajamas
candles
sitting in bed doing my devotions while Brian is sitting in bed studying
wallpaper
taking pictures with my cell phone (well that used to make me happy - lol)
driving south on 37 at night and seeing the city lights
lying in the backyard with Brian and the kids watching for shooting stars
strawberries
clocking out at work
being snowed in (as long as everyone is home and there is milk and something chocolate)
pulling up the driveway and seeing the house looking so cozy
laying my head on Brian's chest
just being a mom
clean sheets - knowing I just put clean sheets on everybody's bed
lipstick
blogging
life right now
Not having a toothache!

Waiting for the right time

My grandparents were married for 8 years before they ever had children. My grandmother said she used to pray that a baby would be left on her doorstep. God heard her prayer for a child and eventually blessed my grandparents with 10 children!

My grandparents, as long as I can remember, slept in separate bedrooms. I'm not sure if they always had this arrangement - if so, that might explain the 8 years of infertility! But I'm assuming that wasn't the case.

In today's world, my grandmother would have been labeled infertile and probably would have been encouraged to seek the help of a RE. She might have undergone IUI, IVF and countless other procedures.

But that wasn't available in the 1930's. Instead, my grandparents prayed for a child. I don't know if there were "kitchen cure" infertility treatments back then (ie. herbs and such) that she might have used, but I do know that during those 8 years my grandparents opened their home to those in need and seemed to have a focus on serving others.

Because my grandmother didn't blog (lol), I have no way of knowing her thoughts during this time. I'm sure she was saddened by her barrenness, and obviously must have felt hopelessness if her prayer was for a baby to be left on her doorstep.

I don't know if a medical miracle occurred one day that allowed her to conceive - or maybe it was just finally the right time. God's time.

As I struggle with my diagnosis of unexplained secondary infertility, I wonder if maybe it just hasn't been the right time yet. Not God's time.

My experience with a RE and subsequent fertility treatments (monthly ultrasounds, blood work, Clomid, progesterone supplementation - oral, suppository, and injections, and one IUI) left me feeling hopeless and abandoned by God. I put all of my hope in procedures and medication. My life revolved around cycles, temperatures, follicle sizes, and lab values. I was constantly uptight and stressed out. When yet another cycle would end with disappointment, I was beyond devastated.

I found myself overwhelmed with the hopelessness of the situation, the helplessness of my own inability to change anything, and the bitter loneliness of soul that comes to one who stops looking toward and trusting in the Lord of all.

Things haven't worked out according to my time table, my plans, or my way. I have found out through this struggle that I can't manipulate God. I can in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let [my] requests be made known to God, but I can't make God do anything.

"God, will You please show me that You still love me?" I prayed. "I'm angry and frustrated. I feel like You don't care. Please show me that You really are in control of everything and that You really are for me. Show me Your love."

When I have asked Him to show me His love, He never has failed to do so.

"Be merciful unto me, O God. Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book" . . . this I know; for God is for me." Psalm 56

How does God come to a person in need, speak to her, and quiet her hurting soul? In my situation God has used late night conversations with a patient husband, the blog of a stranger, well-timed sermons on the radio, talks with a dear friend, a video of a rebellious and strong-willed dog, Patch Club lessons, and His Word.

Through all of this, I found that I hadn't been looking at Him. I thought God was angry and unkind to me . . so I was looking away - I was looking only at myself.

Why do bad things happen to good people - well, maybe we're really not so good. I know God has used this struggle and disappointment in my life to work good - but the refiner's fire isn't painless as it purifies.

I will continue to pray for another child and trust that God will bring it to be in His perfect time - who knows, maybe I will find a baby on my doorstep.

Practice what you preach

I do it every year - will I never learn? I preach "sunscreen, sunscreen" to the kids, but do I listen myself. Of course not.

After getting off work around 1pm I decided to spend the afternoon at the pool reading (Unveiled - a novella by Francine Rivers). It was a breezy 76 degrees and not a cloud in the sky.

My arms are now sunburned everywhere but the anticubital space (sorry - nursing term) from where they were bent holding my book. It doesn't look too bad as long as I walk around with my arms bent!

I contemplated taking a vinegar bath tonight - that always helps soothe the burn. But considering I don't have any white vinegar, my options would be a bath in apple cider vinegar which would probably leave me smelling like cole slaw.

I think I will skip the bath, take a healthy dose of ibuprofen, and go to bed.

Are you there?

I love cell phones! I have always said that Little House on the Prairie would have been much less dramatic if they would have had cell phones. When Pa was late coming home, Ma could have just called him and found out he was lost in the blizzard. Help could have been sent - Pa would be found and home in time for supper.

Now that both Megan and Levi are licensed drivers, I appreciate my cell phone even more. They know the routine "call me when you get there" and "call me when you are leaving."

Today, however, there was a glitch in our system. I was at work where my cell phone doesn't get reception because of the lead lined walls. The kids know when I am at work all of their checking in and out needs to be called to Brian.

Megan and Joel took Levi to work and should have been back home by 1:20pm. I called the house at 1:30pm. No answer.

I then called Brian and he told me he had given Megan permission to go to the library and Burger King. He said they should be home any minute.

I had a new patient in my room so when I got out it was 2:10pm. I called home. No answer. I called Megan's cell phone. No answer. I called Brian's cell phone. No answer. I called Brian's work number. No answer.

For me, nothing is worse than not knowing where my kids are. I remember once when Megan was around 11 or 12 we let her go to a friends house for the afternoon. I was 100% certain that I knew where this girl lived, but when we went to the house to pick Megan up it wasn't the right house. Panic set in. I didn't have this girl's phone number and now I didn't even know where she lived. I was literally sick when I realized that I had no idea where Megan was - I had lost her. Come to find out she was across and just down the road from where we had initially stopped, but it took us over an hour to find this out!

Today it ended up that Megan and Joel had gotten back home around 1:40pm. She had called Brian and told him they were home. She didn't hear her cell phone or the house phone when I called because Mother and Daddy had come over and they were standing outside talking to them. Our glitch in this case was Brian not answering his phone when I called because he was meeting with clients.

I am thankful for cell phones, but I am even more thankful for a heavenly Father who watches over my family day and night. He always knows where they are, and He answers when I call.

Let the Son shine in

Since Jane was in Texas today, I taught the lady's Sunday School class. I expanded on a chapter in the Bible study, That I May Know Him, that I have been doing.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Colossians 3:15

"Let" is a simple condition - but it is something that we have to do. Much like opening the window to "let" the sunlight come in, we need to "let" the sceptre of His peace rule our heart and life.

Too often we become discouraged as a result of our thoughts. According to Matthew 23:37, we are commanded to love our Lord with all our heart, soul, and mind. These passages show a promise that is given to us if we will focus on the Lord. Note what we must do for this promise to be fulfilled in our lives. That I May Know Him June Kimmel

The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3
The promise is perfect peace if we trust God.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27 The promise is peace, different than the world's peace, if we don't let our hearts be troubled and fearful.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 The promise is peace which we cannot understand that will guard our feelings and thoughts if we are not anxious, and if we pray and ask with thankfulness.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9 The promise is the peace of God if we not only think on right things but also do the things we know to do.

End of the day thoughts

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt - I read that somewhere. Well, I smell like dirt tonight. We planted flowers, cut grass, and worked outside all day today. The yard is starting to take shape - here's hoping the deer don't eat our tomato plants.

The boys got caught in a bad thunderstorm at the pool. After seeing lightening, Levi closed the pool and was locking up when a lady couldn't find her keys and made him go back and search the pool, deck area, and bathroom - all the while it was lightening over the lake! Since when is the lifeguard responsible for people's missing keys, and do people not understand the danger of being around open water when it is lightening? People are crazy.

Big news - Nick the 20 year old is in the basement watching a movie with Megan. Brian cracks me up - he is sitting on the couch with them! He is supposed to be putting the finishing touches on his message for tomorrow.

I wonder how much of tonight will make it into his message!

Counting my blessings

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings,
name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

1. Megan

2. Levi

3. Joel

Count your blessings,
Name them one by one;
Count your blessings,
See what God hath done;
Count your blessings,
Name them one by one;
Count your many blessings,
See what God hath done.