I have been thinking about my blog lately. Thinking about taking it in a different direction. A lot has changed in this head of mine since starting Thoughts of Preacher's Wife.
When I started the blog I was a . . .
Thirty-something wife, mom, and nurse who really doesn't have time to be blogging. I just wanted a way to chronicle everyday life - both good and bad. Lots of new things going on in my life - new church, new to being the Pastor's wife, new to having teenagers, new to not homeschooling, new to infertility, new to blogging.
First of all let me address the "thirty-something wife, mom, and nurse." To be truthful, if my age were a price tag I would be $39.99.
But that is just the first of the problems with that description.
I have been a Pastor's wife at Cornerstone Church for soon to be four years! Megan will be 20 in November - no longer a teenager! I haven't home schooled in three years! I have been infertile for longer than I care to think about. And like me, this blog is no spring chicken.
There are a lot of new things going on in my life . . .
- I am a newly diagnosed diabetic (Okay, I admit that was painful to write);
- I will be entering a new decade of life this summer (More painful, much more painful.);
- I am adapting to life with adult children (Talk about pain!)
- I am discovering the world of healthy eating and exercise;
- I am embracing my new love of bowls, especially nesting bowls, old dishes, and cheap furniture finds at Trader Baker's (It helps with the pain.);
- and I am finally coming to terms with the fact that God blessed me with three children, two dogs, and two cats and that may be all I get. Well, maybe the dog thing is negotiable.
The whole infertility thing which is the real reason I started this blog is still with me. I don't know if it will ever fully go away. It is kind of like hemorrhoids - painful, always there. Okay, maybe not hemorrhoids. More like a bruise. A deep bruise that doesn't show on the outside but one that is painful when just the right or wrong pressure is applied.
I admit that a lot of my desire/need to have another child was an attempt to replace or rather replenish the three that were growing up so fast. I couldn't imagine my life existing outside of their lives.
My thoughts sunk so low as to even think God cruel for not "understanding my desires" and "fulfilling my needs." I still don't understand God's ways, but as God told Job, "I am not a man. My thoughts and ways are not like yours."
Amazingly, I have learned that my growing kids do still need me. I was reminded of this as I was mopping puke off the floor in Joel's room last week.
God works in mysterious ways.