Thoughts from me - a preacher's wife, farmer's daughter, mom, and nurse. Posts are mainly intended to help me journal the events of my life - topics will include kids, church, work, marriage, life in general,
and of course my dogs . . . and whatever else I feel compelled to write about.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Changing

I have been thinking about my blog lately. Thinking about taking it in a different direction. A lot has changed in this head of mine since starting Thoughts of Preacher's Wife.

When I started the blog I was a . . .

Thirty-something wife, mom, and nurse who really doesn't have time to be blogging. I just wanted a way to chronicle everyday life - both good and bad. Lots of new things going on in my life - new church, new to being the Pastor's wife, new to having teenagers, new to not homeschooling, new to infertility, new to blogging.

First of all let me address the "thirty-something wife, mom, and nurse." To be truthful, if my age were a price tag I would be $39.99.

But that is just the first of the problems with that description.

I have been a Pastor's wife at Cornerstone Church for soon to be four years! Megan will be 20 in November - no longer a teenager! I haven't home schooled in three years! I have been infertile for longer than I care to think about. And like me, this blog is no spring chicken.

There are a lot of new things going on in my life . . .

- I am a newly diagnosed diabetic (Okay, I admit that was painful to write);
- I will be entering a new decade of life this summer (More painful, much more painful.);
- I am adapting to life with adult children (Talk about pain!)
- I am discovering the world of healthy eating and exercise;
- I am embracing my new love of bowls, especially nesting bowls, old dishes, and cheap furniture finds at Trader Baker's (It helps with the pain.);
- and I am finally coming to terms with the fact that God blessed me with three children, two dogs, and two cats and that may be all I get. Well, maybe the dog thing is negotiable.

The whole infertility thing which is the real reason I started this blog is still with me. I don't know if it will ever fully go away. It is kind of like hemorrhoids - painful, always there. Okay, maybe not hemorrhoids. More like a bruise. A deep bruise that doesn't show on the outside but one that is painful when just the right or wrong pressure is applied.

I admit that a lot of my desire/need to have another child was an attempt to replace or rather replenish the three that were growing up so fast. I couldn't imagine my life existing outside of their lives.

My thoughts sunk so low as to even think God cruel for not "understanding my desires" and "fulfilling my needs." I still don't understand God's ways, but as God told Job, "I am not a man. My thoughts and ways are not like yours."

Amazingly, I have learned that my growing kids do still need me. I was reminded of this as I was mopping puke off the floor in Joel's room last week.

God works in mysterious ways.

4 comments:

Brian said...

Puke, hemorrhoids and bruises all in one post. Incredible!

Angel said...

Ok, the description of "infertility" pain in comparison to hemorrhoids. . close!! I share in your heartache and lack of understanding! He has always known better, but of course I don't know it til much,much later, so for now I will simply trust!

Anonymous said...

I love you so much, Mom, and I promise I will ALWAYS need you. :)

Your Girl,
Megan

Me said...

Megan -

I love you! You are the best daughter a mom could ever want!

Love always,

Mom